glass case of emotion – holiday blues 2013

recently, i attended a virtual IBD roundtable discussion in which one of the panel members said something that should have absolutely not caught me off guard at all, but for some reason, it really stuck with me. “IBD brought me to a place that was extremely depressing” is what was said.. not that it was at all surprising to me, but it caught me off guard that day. so much in fact, that i wrote it down to remind me how far ive come in my journey. there was a point in my life not many years ago i did not want to deal with this disease the rest of my life. i did not have the strength of a small kitten to wake up in the morning & face my problems like a mature adult. honestly, i did not want to leave the house. i was depressed, cried at the drop of a hat & decided i did not want to be on any type of medication (for crohns, anxiety, everything). physically & emotionally, i was at a very low point.

its easy for many chronically ill patients to become depressed, as they feel overcome with sadness and the lack of control over their bodies. adding an extremely fast-paced month full of holidays & family gatherings + changes in weather can be too much at once.

christmas is meant to be the most joyous season, right? its not that i grew up hating christmas , but many years it wasnt too big of a deal to me (which is a shame). i cant honestly pinpoint one specific reason i dont seem to enjoy the holidays.  i guess id tack it up to the business & stress. my mother happens to not enjoy the season as much either, so we tend to commiserate together in our different ways (hi mom!). this year, it was different. physically & emotionally, i am in the best shape and state of mind i have been in…. in years. this year, it was different though. i started enjoying the things i never had before, without getting stressed out.

but christmas, maybe winter rather, has been tough on my body so far. ive had many tests done over the past few months, with little to no answers for me to work with. these tests have been physically exhausting & demanding while working full time & sticking to a fitness routine. amazingly, ive done a great job at keeping my stress levels down, remaining hopeful the next regimen will work out better than the last. honestly, i have been mentally/emotionally GREAT the past few months… but the moment i woke up on christmas eve, i began to cry.. for no reason. i was exhausted & every inch of my body hurt. starting my day was an absolute failure. broke a glass all over the kitchen floor, spilled juice on the carpet, was sick all morning. i had a dress laid out for church, brand new from the mall, but when i finally got around to putting it on, it looked awful. nothing else fit & i had just gotten rid of most of the clothes i owned to goodwill earlier in the week. with less than an hour to go before going to church with mom & dad, i had nothing to wear and looked like a hot mess from crying. Jesus wouldnt mind me wearing sweatpants for his birthday would He?? i had no energy. why now? i somehow managed to get out the door with a few minutes to spare in time for church. still, i took a breath & didnt rush myself – a theme i knew would be important to enjoy the holidays.

after church, the rest of the night was filled with giggles from the little ones & funny stories and memories shared around mom and dad’s christmas tree. i was exhausted and still emotional, that may or may not have been apparent after crying after spilling an entire plate of food. and it wouldnt be a christmas without falling! once in the driveway & once down the stairs!

i think there are several underlying reasons christmas is hard: 1) the food – its stressful knowing that whatever i choose to eat and drink will 90% likely make me extremely sick. it never fails – christmas, easter, thanksgiving. the stress comes from wanting to indulge and being forced to make achoice – do i indulge a little knowing ill be up sick all night or do i watch everyone eat & awkwardly salivate at the sight of the rich trimmings of food. every holiday poses this dilemma & its never easy. though ive learned a large number of foods i cannot have, its harder knowing what i CAN have, especially not being on Humira which allowed me to eat some unforgiving foods. 2) being single. it never fails that im reminded at every family gathering that i am the only one without a significant other. this shouldnt bother me, but it does. i should be grateful for all of the wonderful family surrounding me, but i would love to be able to share those laughs with someone too. maybe its exhausting being reminded that ill never settle down. 3) expectations – everyone elses. its hard for patients with chronic illness to feel normal during the holidays; everyone is rushing & looking forward to things, while were just honestly trying to keep up.  decorating is simplified, holiday baking is minimal and shopping on a good day for me is horrible at best(absolutely.hate.malls.).

im looking forward to wrapping up the holiday season (and 2013) tonight with the two people that have been through the most with me (& dog). after church, mom and dad & i are ordering chinese and hanging out just the three of us.  i couldnt think of a better way to wrap up an amazing year.

cheers, kelly.

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “glass case of emotion – holiday blues 2013

  1. I do not know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues with
    your site. It seems like some of the written text within your content
    are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is
    happening to them as well? This may be a problem with my browser because
    I’ve had this happen before. Kudos

    Like

  2. Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your site?

    My website is in the exact same niche as yours and my users would truly benefit from a lot of the information you provide
    here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Thank you!

    Like

  3. Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m inspired!
    Extremely useful information specifically
    the closing part 🙂 I maintain such information much. I was looking for this certain information for a very
    long time. Thank you and good luck.

    Like

  4. We absolutely love your blog and find the majority of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for.
    Would you offer guest writers to write content for yourself?

    I wouldn’t mind writing a post or elaborating on a few of
    the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome website!

    Like

  5. I seldom create comments, however i did a few searching and wound up here
    glass case of emotion – holiday blues 2013 | #purpleproject.
    And I do have some questions for you if it’s allright.

    Is it just me or does it look like a few of the comments appear like left by brain dead visitors?

    😛 And, if you are posting at other online
    sites, I would like to follow everything new you have to post.
    Could you make a list of the complete urls of your community sites like your twitter feed,
    Facebook page or linkedin profile?

    Like

  6. Nice post. I was checking continuously this weblog and I am impressed!
    Extremely helpful info specially the ultimate part 🙂 I
    maintain such information much. I was seeking this certain information for a long time.
    Thank you and good luck.

    Like

  7. Hello! Someone in my Facebook group shared
    this website with us so I came to check it out.
    I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this
    to my followers! Wonderful blog and great design.

    Like

  8. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog.
    You have some really good posts and I believe I would be a
    good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to
    mine. Please send me an e-mail if interested. Kudos!

    Like

  9. Please let me know if you’re looking for a article author for
    your blog. You have some really great posts and I believe I would
    be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load
    off, I’d really like to write some articles for your blog in exchange
    for a link back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested.
    Thank you!

    Like

  10. This design is steller! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start
    my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job.

    I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that,
    how you presented it. Too cool!

    Like

  11. Just want to say your article is as amazing.
    The clearness in your post is simply great and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
    Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.

    Like

  12. Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no back up.
    Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

    Like

leave me some love..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s