i had a rough night last night & havent been feeling my greatest lately (scumbag lungs, fissure). im in a flare right now & its definitely affecting the rest of my body. ive been trying my best to do low impact exercises to keep up with my training plan, but even that seems to be too much lately.
i told a friend last night, most days, my positive attitude wins over my IBD, but there are some days you have to let it physically and emotionally defeat you, or youll never win your battle against it. i cried. i cried a lot last night and today. humility brings us back to a level where we know we can try to control our emotions/attitude as best we can, but we come to a point where we have to accept we cannot always control our bodies. and that is hard. i hate calling into work, but i know that i would be unable to physically do any job today. if can manage to get from point A on the couch today to point B being the bathroom, id be lucky. quite a shitty situation when you get the urge.
my fibro has been flaring badly the past week. my hands (thumbs & joints specifically) have been difficult to move lately. id chalk it up to cold weather, but its lasted too long & flaring doesnt help. ive been lucky enough to be blessed with a family doctor that knows me well & responds very quickly to my requests. the route wed had originally tried cost well over $200 with insurance, so we settled on a different med for the past few months, but it hasnt been working. today, he phoned in a topical pain solution and we tried the other drug again. $256 with insurance. tears, again.
im such its the lack of sleep, energy & exercise ive had this week, but im bummed/exhausted/fed up with my body. comically, im always the first one to say “oh, rub some dirt on it. youll be fine !” but to hell with the dirt today, ill cry instead. the dirt will be there tomorrow.