a day without disease

i dream of a day i can wake up without disease..
where i can get dressed & ready for work without struggling to find clothes that fit.
without stepping on a scale & being terrified of what number i see.
when i look in the mirror and see someone i recognize & love.
when i dont have to be “the strong one.”
where im not afraid to be honest.
a life not spent in doctors offices, infusion clinics & pharmacies.
when everything doesnt have to make sense.
where i wont worry about losing my job.
when im financially comfortable.
where time never mattered.
when id follow my own advice.
when sobbing for hours meant you were over it & never dealt with it again.
where im not terrified of touching door handles, light switches & using public bathrooms.
no pills, no injections, no IVs.
when im not a prisoner in my own body.
where it doesnt affect every single relationship in my life & where my life might take me.
where i dont feel guilty about having children & passing it on to them.
where every single conversation topic doesnt include how im feeling (or when i’ll get better).
when a fever is just a fever.
when being defeated in life was a small bump in the road.
when unexpected circumstances didnt require understanding them or having significant meaning.
when being brave has nothing to do with me.
where advocating for myself is my priority.
where i dont fear living alone.
where i wake up knowing i will sleep in my bed at night & not spend it in the ER or in a hospital bed.
when im not looked at differently by family & friends.
when a long day results in happy tears.
where planning my day doesnt lead to panic.
where death doesnt occupy my thoughts when i cant sleep.
when not having all the answers wouldnt bother me a bit.
where my money is spent lavishly on fancy drinks with tiny pink umbrellas.
where i can eat.
where i can sleep.
where i can celebrate.
where i can choose.
where im in control.

a girl can dream.