a day without disease

i dream of a day i can wake up without disease..
where i can get dressed & ready for work without struggling to find clothes that fit.
without stepping on a scale & being terrified of what number i see.
when i look in the mirror and see someone i recognize & love.
when i dont have to be “the strong one.”
where im not afraid to be honest.
a life not spent in doctors offices, infusion clinics & pharmacies.
when everything doesnt have to make sense.
where i wont worry about losing my job.
when im financially comfortable.
where time never mattered.
when id follow my own advice.
when sobbing for hours meant you were over it & never dealt with it again.
where im not terrified of touching door handles, light switches & using public bathrooms.
no pills, no injections, no IVs.
when im not a prisoner in my own body.
where it doesnt affect every single relationship in my life & where my life might take me.
where i dont feel guilty about having children & passing it on to them.
where every single conversation topic doesnt include how im feeling (or when i’ll get better).
when a fever is just a fever.
when being defeated in life was a small bump in the road.
when unexpected circumstances didnt require understanding them or having significant meaning.
when being brave has nothing to do with me.
where advocating for myself is my priority.
where i dont fear living alone.
where i wake up knowing i will sleep in my bed at night & not spend it in the ER or in a hospital bed.
when im not looked at differently by family & friends.
when a long day results in happy tears.
where planning my day doesnt lead to panic.
where death doesnt occupy my thoughts when i cant sleep.
when not having all the answers wouldnt bother me a bit.
where my money is spent lavishly on fancy drinks with tiny pink umbrellas.
where i can eat.
where i can sleep.
where i can celebrate.
where i can choose.
where im in control.

a girl can dream.

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2 thoughts on “a day without disease

  1. You seem very strong in your words, keep it up.In any negative moment you can always draw out positivity. I’ve had crohns since the age of 12 n I’m 33 now. Its been hell but my own satisfaction in life has gotten me where I am today. I’ve been on every med known, aswell as a guinea pig for a certain med companies approval by fda which is now one of the heavily pushed meds out there. It all dragged me downhill, Cuz they only last so long. I now have an illeostomy, n med free. My only medication is ganja and healthy eating, but bud also got me arrested. But my quality of life is better n Florida is startin to smartin up. As of last year though my worst nightmare came true and my 8yr old daughter was diagnosed w/ colitis. Instead of following the path I did we’ve turn the tables on the disease and we’re winning. Obviously I don’t smoke my daughter out but do give her cold pressed hemp oil n fish oil. My knowledge has gain strong studying myself over the years, and I refuse to watch my daughter repeat my life of depression and pain. I’m looking at starting my own blog myself. I feel I’ve been placed on this earth to help, n its partly my job to spread good word. I’ve enjoyed a lot I’ve read by you and you do add some inspiration. Best of luck to you, and hope things get better for you.

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  2. Hi there, hope you’re feeling well. I’m writing an e- book on IBD and I’d really love it if you or anyone reading this blog would take the time to answer a few questions.

    I want to find out what’s working for people – i’m particularly interested in the diet and alternative therapy side. Hopefully, with enough responses they’ll be some clear correlations with people achieving long term success then we can all copy them!

    Well, that’s the plan.

    You can find my questionnaire at:

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/whatthedoctorwonttellyou

    Thanks very much and great blog btw =)

    Vicky – aged 25, UC 12 years

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