be patient with me 

the irony of being an advocate of illnesses that may or may not be obvious at times & living with an illness others may think is mortifying to talk about…
is when you struggle the most being your own advocate. 
ill speak candidly & honestly with you when i tell you that this winter has not been an easy one. ive hit some bottoms that ive been scared i wouldn’t be pulled out of. the fear of living with any disease that may last your lifetime is the struggle of not knowing your “normal”. obstructions, flare after flare, side effects & every emotion that comes with illness. please be patient with me. 

autoimmune disease has wreaked havoc on many of my systems & it’s hard to tell if im a “regular” kind of sick or “just Crohns” sick. it’s scary not knowing how severe one virus can impact your body & it’s scarier to know that no matter how positive i am, or how much i “pray it away”, it will still be there. the scariest part for me is when i start to lose hope. 

many of my friends know me as positive but there are times where that can be furthest from the truth. as an introvert, i struggle to tell others when im hurting (& not just physically). i tend to cope by internalizing many things – always have. im working on this. please be patient with me. 

while many of you follow me on different platforms, please know that while i do try to publish my “real self”, there is much unseen. the dark days are not filled with smiles & funny memes. but then again, who wants to see a picture of my curled in ball in tears wondering if life will always be filled with crushing blows & moments like this? 

its never my intention to share these personal statements with anyone for sympathy. my hope is that this may provide a little insight to those who may not know what to say or do a around those living with illness & the anxieties/depression that it can inflict on ones quality of life. 

please be patient with me.

  

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2 thoughts on “be patient with me 

  1. You are such an inspiration. For real. You motivate me to be a better me. That includes acknowledging pain, fears, and sadness – staring those buttheads down and saying, “Imma conquer you, mfs.”

    I love your honesty. More so I love your honest attempt at honesty. It’s no fun thinking about the crappy parts of life, living the struggles silently, but it’s even harder to talk about it.

    I feel like how I think you do – don’t want to burden, not looking for sympathy. But having this desire to share your life. The ups, downs, and the gross ugly cry moments. Not for attention. Not for sympathy. Just simply because. And “because” is a good enough reason to me.

    Like

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