the irony of being an advocate of illnesses that may or may not be obvious at times & living with an illness others may think is mortifying to talk about…
is when you struggle the most being your own advocate.
ill speak candidly & honestly with you when i tell you that this winter has not been an easy one. ive hit some bottoms that ive been scared i wouldn’t be pulled out of. the fear of living with any disease that may last your lifetime is the struggle of not knowing your “normal”. obstructions, flare after flare, side effects & every emotion that comes with illness. please be patient with me.
autoimmune disease has wreaked havoc on many of my systems & it’s hard to tell if im a “regular” kind of sick or “just Crohns” sick. it’s scary not knowing how severe one virus can impact your body & it’s scarier to know that no matter how positive i am, or how much i “pray it away”, it will still be there. the scariest part for me is when i start to lose hope.
many of my friends know me as positive but there are times where that can be furthest from the truth. as an introvert, i struggle to tell others when im hurting (& not just physically). i tend to cope by internalizing many things – always have. im working on this. please be patient with me.
while many of you follow me on different platforms, please know that while i do try to publish my “real self”, there is much unseen. the dark days are not filled with smiles & funny memes. but then again, who wants to see a picture of my curled in ball in tears wondering if life will always be filled with crushing blows & moments like this?
its never my intention to share these personal statements with anyone for sympathy. my hope is that this may provide a little insight to those who may not know what to say or do a around those living with illness & the anxieties/depression that it can inflict on ones quality of life.
please be patient with me.